


What Comes Next

by desperately_seeking_words



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, destiel ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 00:05:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8229391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desperately_seeking_words/pseuds/desperately_seeking_words
Summary: Sam and Dean are finally hanging it up. While Sam is planning what’s next, Dean is just trying to figure out what he really wants out of life, and Cas is willing to do whatever it takes to secure his happiness, even if it means losing his own in the process.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea in my head and it won’t leave, so enjoy. Also, the title is crap, but I’m tired and I can’t think of anything better at the moment. Please let me know what you think in the comments!

It is surreal that the time had come to hang up the cape.  Sam would never admit it, but he is practically giddy with the thought of it.  He tries to hide it, but of course his Google searches on dog breeds and his sudden addiction to HGTV are about as subtle as a freight train.

Dean, however, is reluctant.  Whenever he thinks about leaving the life, all that he can think about was how he would eventually be dragged back into it.  He had tried the white picket fence once before, and it didn’t exactly agree with him.  So, he outwardly rolls his eyes at his domestic little brother, but on the inside, he envies the relief that Sam is feeling.

In a moment of weakness, he finds himself wandering out to the garage just to get a moment alone.  Sam’s happiness is wonderful, of course, but Dean can only take so much.  He perches himself on the hood of his Baby and cracks open a beer, watching as the bottle cap clatters onto the concrete.  The echo of it is worse than silence.

“Dean?”

Dean sighs as he takes a long drag from his beer.  “Welcome to the party, Cas.”

There is an awkward shuffle of feet.  “I’m pretty sure one person doesn’t qualify as a party,” Cas informs him.

Dean shrugs.  “Well, this is a party of the pity variety.”

Silence.  After a few moments, Cas moves to join him on the hood of the car.  Dean doesn’t dare look at him because he knows what he’d see: a furrowed brow and concerned blue eyes that are just way too damn sincere.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asks.

Dean takes another sip from his beer.  He opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out.  Instead, he can only manage a pathetic huff of laughter that feels as empty as it must sound.

Cas looks down at his hands.  “I thought you’d be happy,” he says in a small voice.

Dean does look at him then, and what he sees is an angel that looks like a kicked puppy.  It is then that he realizes: they had all been working so hard to get to this point.  Their end goal had been to give them all an opportunity to get out of the life for good, and Cas especially had worked so hard to get them there.  And here Dean is, moping around like an ungrateful dick.

Dean scrubs a hand down his face.  “Damn it, that’s not- I am happy.  Sam finally gets to settle down.  He’s safe.  That’s all I could ever hope for.”

Cas frowns at him.  “But, what do _you_ want? For yourself?”

Dean shrugs.  “I used to know what would make me happy, but I don’t anymore.  The closest I ever came was when I was with Lisa and Ben.”

Cas winces, and Dean pretends not to notice.  That is a very difficult time for both of them to think about.

“Anyway, now I’m not sure.  I don’t know if there’s anything out there for me, man.”  Dean holds the bottle towards Cas, offering him a sip.  Cas accepts it.  “I’m okay here.  I’ll run the phones.  I’ll do the occasional hunt.  I’ll be a good uncle to Sam’s kids one day.  I’m okay.”

Cas shakes his head.  “Okay isn’t good enough,” he tells him sternly before hopping off the hood.  He hands Dean the bottle, and Dean moves to accept it.  Dean’s fingers brush against Cas’s and they freeze for just a moment as if compelled to by forces beyond them.  Cas stares into Dean’s eyes, and there’s that _damn_ sincerity again.  “You deserve better,” Cas asserts.  “You deserve the best.”

Before Dean can say anything else, Cas leaves him alone with his empty bottle and his frenzied thoughts.

* * *

Dean comes back in about an hour later to find Sam parked in the library pouring over episode after episode of _Flip This House_.  Dean rolls his eyes and plops himself down in a chair across from his brother.

“Well, Martha Stewart?  How’s the research going?”

Sam smiles.  “I think this would be a nice way to live.  Buying trashed, foreclosed houses and fixing them up for families to start their lives in…it seems fulfilling.”

“It’s like a halfway house for…houses.” Dean frowns. 

“Nice one,” Sam says, shaking his head.

“Okay, admittedly not my best,” Dean allows.  “You seen Cas?”

Sam raises his eyebrows and pulls his gaze away from the screen.  “Cas?  He’s here?”

Dean stares at Sam.  “Um, yeah.  He just came to talk to me in the garage like an hour ago?  He didn’t stop to see you too?”

“No,” Sam answers, disappointed.  “Huh.  I guess I’ll catch him next time.”

Dean massages his forehead as he feels a headache come on.  “I think I bummed him out.”

“How come?” Sam asks.

“Well,” Dean begins, sighing heavily, “I think he’s under the impression that I’m not happy.”

Sam considers this for a moment.  “Are you?” 

Dean scratches the back of his neck.  “I mean, I’m not _un_ happy.  I’m fine.  I’m better than fine.  Things are good.  You’re happy, and that makes me happy.” 

In response to that, Sam gives him the concerned puppy eyes that drive him crazy and closes his laptop.  “Why are you looking at me like that?” Dean snaps.

“Because, stupid, _your_ happiness isn’t supposed to be all about _my_ happiness.  Don’t you want more out of life than that?” Sam questions.

Dean groans.  “That’s what Cas said too.”

Sam nods.  “Okay, so I think that answers the ‘where’s Cas’ question.”

Dean squints at him.  “How do you figure?”

Sam rests his hands on the tabletop.  “Well, considering how hard he has worked to get us this far, I don’t think he’s willing to call it quits at ‘you’re happy, and that makes me happy.’” Sam tells him, doing his best Dean impression: gruff voice, scowl, and all.

Dean glares at him.  “I do not sound like that.”

Ignoring him, Sam continues.  “Can you think of what he might try to do to make you happy?”

Dean crosses his arms.  “How should I know?  Maybe if I go back to my room now it’ll be full of strippers.  The guy knows me so well, after all.”

“Did he _ask_ you what made you happy?”

Dean tries to remember.  “Yeah, he did, kind of.”  He thinks hard.

_“But, what do you want? For yourself?”_

And that’s when he remembers: Lisa and Ben.

Dean’s heart falls into his stomach.  His throat closes up, and he looks to Sam like he’s about to pass out.

“Dean? Dean, what is it?”

Dean swallows hard.  “Cicero,” he manages.  “We need to get to Cicero, Indiana.”

* * *

It is hard for Cas to see the woman and child again after all this time.  After all, last time he had seen them, his life had been falling apart and Dean had been lost to him.  Of course, he’d be lying if he said that is the only reason why it is hard to see the woman that Dean had loved.

Cas watches silently from the front yard as Lisa sets the table for dinner.  Ben is older now.  He’s strong; he looks as if he could be an athlete.  Dean would be so proud to see the man he is becoming.

Cas sighs and looks down at his watch.  He has been standing there for hours now, unseen and watching.  He has come all this way to make things right after all of these years.  He has come to return the memories that he has been safeguarding for so long.

Back then, he couldn’t bring himself to completely erase all of those times they had together.  He had thought that eventually this day would come: Dean is free from the hunting life, and now they can finally be together without fear.  

Yet, now that he is standing here ready to complete the task, he is unable to move.

How incredibly selfish he can be.

Cas hates that his own feelings are what stand in the way of Lisa remembering her love for Dean.  He wishes he could just let it go, but the feelings remain as a constant reminder of his brief foray into human life.  The seeds for them had been there since the beginning, but every chemical reaction needs a catalyst.

Of course, he will go inside.  He will restore her memory, and it will kill him to do so.  But if that’s what it takes for Dean to be happy, that is what he will do.

Just as he makes himself visible, a voice calls out to him.

“Cas!”

Cas whirls around and comes face-to-face with Dean.  He stares at the elder Winchester in surprise.  “Hello, Dean,” he says, unsure of what else he could possibly say.

Dean steps right up to him and searches his gaze with frantic eyes.  “What are you doing here, man?  Why are you doing this?”

Cas frowns.  “You said that being here was the closest you ever came to being happy.”

Dean shakes his head, but before he can say anything else, he catches a glimpse of Lisa and Ben through the window.  His jaw snaps shut, and he just watches for a moment.  The years have been kind, and Lisa is still as beautiful as she always was.  Ben is tall, and he is strong.  Dean feels a knot forming in his throat and he is at a complete loss for words.  Cas observes all of this, and his heart crumbles in his chest.

“I see now that I was wrong to think that freeing you from the life was enough,” Cas tells him softly, “I need to give you those that you love the most.”

Cas starts forward, but Dean catches him by the shoulder.

“No,” Dean tells him.  “I won’t let you.”

Cas turns to face him.  “But why?  You’re not a danger to them anymore.  You can have everything that you couldn’t have back then.  You can be happy.”

Dean grasps both of Cas’s shoulders.  “No.  You’re not getting it.  I don’t _want_ this.”

Cas looks aghast.  “I don’t understand.”

Dean raises his gaze to the heavens as if searching for guidance before looking back at Cas.  “I told you that being with them was the closest I had ever been to being happy.”

Cas nods slowly as if Dean is speaking nonsense. “Yes…?”

“’Closest’ being the keyword there, Cas.  I wasn’t happy.  Not really.”

Cas says nothing.

“Sam was dead, or, at least I thought he was.” Cas winces again.  “I was a mess dealing with that.  The life I led there was nice, but it didn’t _fit_.  I never felt right.”  He makes Cas look him in the eye.  “And you were gone.”

Cas’s lips part in a look of surprise.

“You see, having you and Sam safe and happy is all I want.  All I need.”

Cas shakes his head.  “But you loved her,” he reminds Dean, his voice cracking under strain.

“’Loved’ being the keyword there, Cas. Past tense.” Dean’s gaze doesn’t waver.  “Truth is, I haven’t thought about Lisa in that way for a very long time.  Truth is, there’s a reason why things never fit right with her.”

Cas’s breathing quickens.  “Dean…? I don’t…”

Dean’s hands move from Cas’s shoulders to cup the angel’s face.  Dean smiles at him.  “I said before that I wasn’t sure what would make me happy, and I was being honest.  I didn’t know…until I realized what you were trying to do for me.  Until I realized that, all this time, you were what was missing.”

Cas licks his lips, and Dean’s eyes track the movement.  “So, you don’t want Lisa.”

Dean laughs softly.  “No. I want you.”

Perhaps it’s a bit awkward that they share their first kiss in the front yard of Dean’s ex-girlfriend, but they don’t really care all that much.  All that matters is that they figured out what it means to be happy.

And it was a perfect fit.


End file.
